Beauty is in the EYE of the beholder

Last week Aaron had his first eye appointment in a few years, don't judge. His eyes are the one thing I know are healthy other than the small prescription for reading glasses that he acquired even before the accident. Which brings us to the important part of this story. It was definitely time for new glasses. 

Those of you who know me well know that it takes hours for me to even narrow down my choices when it comes to the little things like shoes. But we are talking frames and for someone else! It didn't help that men's choices all pretty much look the same to me. Total disaster. The staff was very helpful. The lady helping us even put up with us pulling pair after pair off the shelf. 

Aaron sat there with a smile and was agreeable to pretty much any pair we gave him. So after 15-20 minutes of trying on frames I was over it and we had been at the doctor for over an hour. I was ready to leave. Aaron agreed to a pair that was a little different than his last ones, okay a lot different but we both thought the frames themselves looked pretty cool and were pretty bend-able when we were looking at them as we held them. The lady helping us seemed to like them too, I was over it, and Aaron said ok. So we were done right?!

I had a sudden lapse in my judgment and wasn't sure if we should commit so I texted a picture of Aaron in these frames to one person who will remain anonymous and who I also knew would give an honest answer but I got no answer (at least not as quick of one as I wanted). So I texted person number two, who will also remain anonymous, and still no answer. By the time I texted the third person (again anonymous), the second person texted back pretty much telling me they didn't like them in a nice way. Then I got a text from person number one saying "Ummmm did you buy those?" and then the third person chimed in with "What are the other options?" 

I knew we were in trouble and as the sweet lady helping us was starting to enter the information in the computer until I told her we needed to start over! She kinda looked at me funny but told us it was not a problem. I literally laughed out loud because I never would have guessed out of our three people, that they all would have gave thumbs down to the first choice. Thankfully they did though because I had obviously failed my one and only important job of the day and they were able to save Aaron two years of ugly frames. 

After choosing some options that seemed do-able we got a little silly. The lady helping us joined in and there were also a few requests from one of the people we were texting who still will remain anonymous. We also got a little mixed up with all of the pictures of the choices we were texting so Aaron had to start holding up fingers with numbers to identify each choice. We emptied off over half of the shelves for the second time that visit. After almost an hour of trying on frames, 25 texts, and at least 15 pictures we finally found a pair that everyone could agree on. See the evidence below in no particular order. 

Maybe...

Maybe not?

Definitely not...but they were a blast from the past and a special request by one of the people we were texting!

Now the staff is helping us have some fun and brought us these, Harry Potter anyone?

Not so much!

Here is the part where we were losing track of the ones we had tried and took pictures of so we started having Aaron hold fingers up too! 

Option 3!

 

We are getting warmer!

Here's my public service announcement...I don't plan on revealing the first choice (the ones that I thought were okay) and you may be smart enough to figure out which choice we actually ordered. I don't need opinions from anyone for any reason, we have already ordered frames that should be here in about a week and we can't change our minds for at least another two years! This is just a glimpse into some of our everyday craziness and we thought you might enjoy a good laugh with us!

They say "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", unless you are me and Aaron trying to pick out new frames for him and then we probably need a few other opinions!

pReSsINg fOrWaRd...EIGHT yEaRs lATeR!

And just like that, here we are EIGHT years later!

I have spent that past week looking through old pictures. I even found some of the first things I journaled right after Aaron's accident, long before blogging was even popular.  I am in awe. Believe it or not, I am speechless by the story they tell, the one I so vaguely remember, and all of the many details that have since faded into memories. I often forget is that Aaron's only real memories are from the stories he's heard or pictures he has seen, at least during the first few years. 

Even though I do it on a somewhat regular basis, June 16th will always be the day that I remember that we are not where we once were. I am thankful that we didn't go where the doctors and nurses thought we might go and that God had a much better plan. We are also blessed with second chances and many miracles over the past eight years; Aaron's ability to relearn and his body to heal, the family and friends who have loved us through this and continue to do so, friends and acquaintances who have become our village and do life with us, the doctors and specialists and therapists who all have helped Aaron get better in big and small ways, the many prayers that have been answered, and our ability to find joy in this journey.

It's not always easy and even though we still face a few obstacles here and there, we are always excited to see what the next year brings as we keep pressing forward!

RiSk Or ReGrEt???

    Several years have gone into planning what our future family might look like and there were a few years in there that we were not ready for a family of our own for so many reasons and God's timing now makes sense. However, as many of you know, we opened our hearts to adoption (both public and private) over this past year and really trusted that God opened these doors for a reason and had a plan. We also started taking more risks by pursuing adoption.

   We were over the moon to actually get an approved home study in the fall, with Aaron's medical history hanging over our heads many were skeptical that we could even pass a home study. We also had an unexpected blessing just a few weeks following that which would open more doors than we ever knew were possible. There are also sweet friends who keep their eyes and ears open for kiddos who needed a good home and are still recommending us as a forever family whenever possible to their families, friends, and acquaintances.

    Those of you who have adopted or have considered adopting know that adoption is rather complicated and can take a long time. The matching process, well it's something that can be both exciting and terrifying all at once. It can also take two weeks, two months, two years or even more. Through the state adoptions, you are able to do some of your own searches of children who need a home and are eligible for adoption. (We have that site bookmarked and look through it frequently.) The public system we are involved with also hosts special events from time to time that we are invited to go and meet actual children that need a forever home. In private adoptions, you leave it to someone to share your story and in our case a book about our family and pray that a birth mom chooses you. There is also a time period even after you are matched and a potential child enters your home that you continue to work with agencies to make sure they are in a home that is best suited for them and are doing well.

     Our first inquiry was from the public agency in November. It was a sibling group. The agency got right back to us and let us know that they hoped to match this group with a family where one parent could stay at home with them full time, something we were not prepared to do. We were excited to inquire and at the same time slightly disappointed for the potential match to be done so soon, of course we also knew that realistically it was the first of what we knew would be many.

    In early December we received a call about a sibling group. It seemed to good to be true that we may get kids for Christmas but we soon started getting a lot of details about the process and what we were potentially committing to. There were several phone calls and texts back and fourth. We started to get excited about the possibilities of having a match. After some waiting to find out the next steps, we found out that there were some concerns with Aaron's medical history being matched with children younger than school age. The agency had to consider the possibility of our family not being the best match for this sibling group. Even though we understood, we had really gotten our hopes up and we were really disappointed when it was all said and done. Again we knew there would be more matches and this was just a part of the process to find the right family for the siblings. 

   Right after we returned to school in early January, we received a call from our adoption lawyer (who we have been connected with off and on for over the past two years) with the exciting news of a birth mom who picked us to be the parents of her soon to be born baby. She was having a boy and was due mid April. Less than two weeks later, we had the opportunity to met our potential birth mom. Even though she had already picked us, I was convinced that she may not like us after she met us and change her mind but as you can probably guess, our visit went great. It was so much easier than I ever thought it would be and we had a nice lunch. Aaron and I spent the rest of January and most of February keeping our news as quiet as we could and were "cautiously optimistic", which was advice given to us by friends who have adopted. Once we started signing paperwork and finances were involved (this is part of private adoption)  sometime in February we finally started sharing our exciting news. With more advice from friends, we bought only the bare necessities. If you know me well you know that this took a lot of self control and I had to revert to window shopping for the meantime. As much as we appreciated all of our families and friends excitement we also requested no showers be thrown before the baby was born, again more advice given to us. We were excited to have our second visit with our birth mom the middle of March. It was even better than our first visit, we had ice cream and our birth mom surprised us and gave us her recent sonogram pictures to keep! We made plans for the hospital when the baby was born. We left the visit reassured that this was really happening and we were going to be parents in a month or less. It was hard to contain our excitement. I started to make arrangements to be off work, we packed a diaper bag and even put the car seat in the car so we were ready when we got the call. We started getting serious about baby names and even found a pediatrician we liked. Before we knew it, it was already April and we were weeks or days away from that phone call to let us know that we needed to come to the hospital to meet our baby boy.

     We got what we thought was THAT call one rainy Saturday afternoon as we were running errands around town. As soon as we saw who was calling our hearts skipped a beat and we answered as quick as we could only to find out that the baby boy had been born and the birth mom had decided to keep him. While we knew that was a possibility all along and she had every right to choose to parent, we were crushed and also taken by surprise. I didn't really want to talk to anyone and tell everyone the disappointing news so we spent the next hour texting, private messaging, and emailing everyone who knew about the adoption and were eagerly awaiting the news of the baby's arrival with us.

    There is a lot of risk involved in public or private adoption (and fertility treatments too). We have known that all along and are prepared as much as we can be. As trying as these past few months have been and as difficult as the past few weeks were, at least we can say we have no regrets.

One of the reasons we continue to choose to take risks is so we have no regrets. 

    

gRoWiNg PaInS

     There was a period over the past (almost) eight years that it seemed that things were constantly changing and we were constantly experiencing growing pains. 

    The huge transition from the ICU to the rehab was just the beginning of our growing pains. At that point, I knew the machines and I knew when Aaron was "good". I trusted the staff. I knew my way around the hospital. I was devastated, yet relieved, to know that we had literally survived and the next steps we were about to take were in the most positive direction anyone could have ever imagined. I don't even know if I can consider this a growing pain, I'll just be honest (and probably only a few people until now know) this was a hard transition for me and I had a major melt down before, during, and after the big move.

   The growing pains continued as Aaron settled in to the next part of our journey almost an hour away from home. The new room felt sterile and somewhat reminded me of the hospital and we inherited a roommate, which I was less than thrilled about. Before I knew it we were upgraded to a single room with Tommy Hilfiger furniture and we felt like we had entered the Hilton in a different building and not long after that we were moved to a similar room uptown. Aaron continued to do well and I adjusted, there was the consistency of the staff we had grown to love and appreciate. The therapists who we bonded with and to this day are still some of my favorites! I could count on them and trust them to do what was best for Aaron, even if I wasn't there. After about two years Aaron continued to do well and we started having conversations about Aaron's continued care, after all he was surpassing what the rehab was supposed to do for him. The thought of leaving terrified me and it didn't help when we felt some push back from the rehab and their long term plan didn't so much match ours...more growing pains, to say the least. 

   Our next stop was somewhere local. I could literally drive there for a visit after work and be home by dinner. I was excited about this transition but then came the reality of a new building, a new room, a new staff. There was also a level of independence that Aaron had not yet been allowed to have and that was a huge growing pain in itself! It should have been a good thing but not only was it a transition for him but for me as well I also had to build new relationships and learn to trust new staff members. There were a few hiccups the first night and the second day but I was learning to speak up and I was getting good at advocating for Aaron. Again, we adjusted and settled in as we had done before. Some of my most memorable growing pains were some changes in therapists, several room moves due to remodeling, and some staff members that didn't quite see it our way. 

   Moving Aaron home was easy and exciting and it seemed pretty painless actually. It did change everything all over again and I pretty much felt I had home under control so I never really anticipated any growing pains once we got here. In fact, the transition has been pretty easy and we have adapted well over the past two years with little to no growing pains, at least not like the ones I fondly remember from early on. 

    This week that I realized that we still will have some growing pains. I saw this quote and it it put our growing pains into perspective today (and all the ones over the past almost eight years). 

    As much as I am struggling right now with some growing pains and how much I have struggled with the previous ones, how lucky (and blessed) are we to have the ability to grow?! 

For us, growing pains also mean that Aaron is still getting better <3 

Letting Go

     I realized I haven't written in awhile, truth is I am often thinking of what I could write and it's just a matter of sitting down long enough to do it. The idea for this one came to me at the end of December after a trip to Disney with friends, since then two other events happened and they seemed to somewhat go along with the original idea I had wanted to write about.

Part 1: 

    Over the holiday's, Aaron's best college friend was in town and invited us to join him and his family at Animal Kingdom the following day. If you have never been to Animal Kingdom it's a fun place to visit and as usual Disney goes all out, including the authentic jungle terrain that includes imprints of animal tracks, a variety of vegetation on the sidewalk, and lots of slopes and hills. If you have a walker it feels like an obstacle course with booby traps, it is also quite the work out for whomever is helping. Without too much thought, I decided to dust off the custom built wheelchair that's been sitting in the same corner in our garage for three plus years and take it too to make our trip easier and more enjoyable for the both of us. It made me realize that taking the wheelchair is not a big deal, it is actually helpful and much less exhausting for the both of us. We were both happy campers leaving Disney that day and I was reminded that we have the wheelchair for a reason and it's not a bad one. Using the wheelchair doesn't change the what Aaron can do. The past few years I have been so set on "pushing" Aaron that I forgot how much easier it was to literally push him in that wheelchair for a few hours. 

Happy pusher!

Happy Rider!

    

Part 2:

    The next two things I am about to share don't have pictures to go with them but I am sure you will agree that even if I did they may not be appropriate for social media! I tend to rely on staff to help with Aaron, I rarely use family and friends. If you know me, you know if I leave you with Aaron it is usually because I am desperate and have no other options. 

     A friend from work had convinced me to sign up for a local boot camp, Aaron's mom happened to be visiting for a few weeks in January so it was the perfect opportunity for me to take advantage of the extra help and go at 7am on a Saturday morning. I was finishing up that first morning and had been away from the house less than an hour and a half when Aaron FaceTimed me and is laughing. All I could make out was that they "had made a mess". I rushed home thinking it was the stupid dog, oh how I wish that would have been the case. Out of no where, there are usually warning signs, Aaron needed to use the bathroom while I was gone. Not knowing that it may have been coming, I neglected to give his mom the bathroom 101 course. So two things happened here. The first thing was that someone other than myself or trained staff needed to help Aaron, granted I know it was his mom it was still something I had tried to avoid for his dignity (And from what I gather, when there was no other choice, it wasn't as big of deal to Aaron as it was me.) Second Aaron clogged the toilet, his mom tried to flush it, then it overflowed. This situation drenched our master bath in, well, you know!!! I will leave it there but you can imagine the mess, it's the kind that you don't know whether to laugh or cry. I think Aaron covered the laughing and his mom may have covered the crying...I just got what was left of the mess. It's not an everyday occurrence thankfully but it from time to time these crazy random things seem to happen to us. This  time was so much different because someone else got my perspective and I learned that it's okay. I know his mom could have done without this experience and I know that it might have been easier for me to deal with it but the reality is that I wasn't there. I can't be there all the time and I definitely can't control what happens when I am not there. 

Part 3:

      Last but definitely not least, I've been volunteering at a girls camp the past few years for an entire weekend in February. It includes over night and when Aaron moved home it meant that we needed to get 24 hour coverage for him while I was away. The first year we had people lined up and then they cancelled their shifts at the last minute, this year was not much different. The company and I managed to work out a last minute schedule with the staff that got me where I needed to be most of the weekend but there were still a few glitches to work through. 

     I found out late Friday night that one of the ladies scheduled to help cover the Sunday shift was only available until 11:30 am, camp ends at 12 but it also takes over half an hour to drive home.  I started brainstorming friends  who were in town and not volunteering at camp with me who might be able to help cover that time on Sunday morning. It hit me at lunch when I saw our friend's husband (she was also volunteering with me for the weekend) stopped out at camp to see for lunch. He of course agreed to help without a second thought. I jumped in the car as soon as the girls left and I could go home. When I arrived home, I walked in to an empty living room. When I realized the guys were in the master bathroom, panic set in. All I could think for those three seconds it took me to walk into the bathroom was that I couldn't believe that Aaron couldn't wait an hour to use the bathroom until I got home (makes sense doesn't it?!) and that if there was a repeat of the last bathroom incident we may be one less friend! Thankfully it wasn't a #2 problem this time and our sweet friend was listening to Aaron give directions for him to help empty the catheter. Although I was still modified and embarrassed that our friend was helping with THIS I was also overwhelmed with his willingness to help out even when it may have been uncomfortable or just a little bit gross. As I stood there looking over them and apologizing at least six times (probably more), I realized the guys were okay. They totally had it under control and our sweet friend was helping with such graciousness. My heart got big and in that moment I was reminded how thankful I was for that friend and that maybe THIS wasn't as big of a thing as I had been making it out to be in my head all these years. 

   Letting go isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, I just need to find the courage to do it more often. I may have been uncomfortable  with it at first but it was good to be able to let a few things go recently.