Hills and Valleys

It is hard to believe that this year is about to come to an end. I can not imagine any year ever being able to top this one. There is a quote I love that says "Faith is trusting advance what will only make sense in reverse" and that is so true in my case. Especially this year. Just like anyone else our years have been filled with hills and valleys.  

Nine years have passed since Aaron's accident, in some ways it still seems like it was just yesterday. The hardest days are behind us and Aaron has come a long way since then, so have I. There were many valleys I wasn't sure we could ever get through. I couldn't admit it then. There are times that I truly did not understand what God was doing. I questioned Him, His plan. His timing was probably the hardest but in the end I see how it has been perfect. Along the way I had to learn to have faith that He did have a plan and that it was not mine. It took awhile to trust Him. I had to work really hard to stay positive and hope for things that no one thought was possible while living everyday life with so many unknowns and ups and downs.  

Many days I never had a chance to stop to take a breath. I couldn't even if I tried for a long time. I wouldn't let Aaron stop and I kept pushing him to levels I hoped he was capable of, not even knowing if he truly was. I felt many friends grew distant in the beginning. We made several new friends throughout. We found our village. We both did what others said they couldn't or shouldn't have been possible. He surprised so many with what He was able to help both Aaron and me accomplish. Life went on. Sometimes I struggled to keep up, sometimes I felt left behind. Many times I felt that I did not fit in. Anywhere. There are moments and days that these feelings lingered and it's hard to describe the feelings I had. It didn't help that there were not many others in our village who I felt could truly relate to our unique set of circumstances, not because they didn't care or didn't want to but because they weren't living in our shoes. The valleys and hills sometimes felt like we were on a roller coaster. 

We have had our share of joy and excitement too. It was the little things like Aaron's eyes opening or him answering his own phone. Can you believe there were staff who would willingly help Aaron answer the phone each evening for months just so I could talk at him, yes you read that correctly, I talked at him and he had no choice but to listen! Just thinking about this memory makes me giggle. Then the big things happened. Aaron walked. Aaron talked. Aaron ate, those of you who know this story well know that was a battle I fought long and hard for and it was so worth each and every hot wing and Miller Light since! Aaron even moved home after almost 6 years. I was able to finish my Master's and graduate. I was able to live on my own but be married and navigate all of the crazy until I was confident that Aaron could help me make decisions and encourage me and let me know that I was doing a good job. These valleys helped me stay hopeful and gave me a chance to rest my heart. 

So many of you have joined our story on the chapter where Whitley was born and have been following our story closely every since, talk about joy and excitement and one of my favorite chapters! She has been our biggest hill, several prayers answered, and a dream come true. Included in this part of our story is her first momma who knew about our valleys and she loved us anyhow and also had faith that we would be the best parents for Whitley. 

Every bit of the past nine years have been nothing short of a miracle and the majority of it I was told wouldn't happen. Many times I found myself discouraged, many times I pressed forward with determination that I found somewhere deep inside myself. Our hills have been pretty amazing, our valleys have been pretty hard. I know God has been there every step of the way. 

As much as I would have loved to live my life without so many of the valleys, I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on the hills...each and every one of those valleys eventually led us to those hills and we couldn't have one without the other. I know that now. 

I couldn't imagine a better story, it took me a little while to realize it but God has written mine beautifully. I am so thankful for these two, the hills and valleys have led me to them <3

Photo credit goes to Beth Carter Photography 

tWiCe LoVeD

I can't imagine our story if it had been written any different. I feel like adoption is a leap of faith for both the adoptive parents and the birth parents alike. A birth mommas love is a love like no other, it is a kind of love that I can only imagine as an adoptive parent. 

Even though we have only know Whitley's birth momma for a short time, we absolutely adore her. She is one of the strongest people we have ever met. We cherish each and every conversation with her and we will always have the sweet memories of the short time all four of us spent together in Arizona. It is hard for me to find adequate words to honor her like she deserves. I feel very protective of her, through adoption she has become as much a part of our family as Whitley has. 

I am so thankful that her path has crossed ours and together we can both love sweet Whitley. Adoption can be so hard but in the same breath adoption can be the most beautiful kind of love there is. The most important part of Whitley's story is what a lucky girl she is to have two families that love her fiercely, Whitley has been twice loved from the beginning and she will always be <3 

WhItLeY wAtCh

We were just being lazy and hanging out at the house with take out on Friday February 10th when we got a text around 8pm from M at the agency telling us that Momma K had gone to the hospital and may be in labor. She told us to hang tight and stay near the phone and wait to hear back. She also told us we may want to check airlines for tickets in the meantime!

We spent those next few hours packing, packing, packing...we hadn't packed yet. We thought we had a few more weeks! We also spent a lot of time on the phone with the airlines arranging tickets, thankfully we had already called them weeks prior and had learned the ins and outs of arranging flights under these circumstances so we knew exactly what to schedule. The few people that talked with us during those few hours can tell you how crazy exciting that time was!

Within a few hours M was able to let us know that Momma K was not actually in labor and the hospital was getting ready to discharge her. She also let us know that both momma and baby were doing well. It was a false alarm.

Even though that night was a bit nerve-wracking, it ended up being just what we needed to be ready for the real call! It allowed us to finish getting ready and organized to go out to Arizona. We spent the new few weeks making sure we were packed and made the list of things that would need to be packed last minute. I made several drafts of emails at work, things I knew I would need others to know or have help with while I was out. We made several plans for how we would get to the airport when the time came. I even cleaned the house and did all the laundry that needed catching up! 

Whitley watch officially begun that Friday, we were excited beyond belief! Those last few weeks ended up being such a fun time prepare our hearts and home for a sweet baby but also to enjoy the remainder of our time as two <3

Our last Disney trip as two the weekend before Whitley was born!

WaItInG fOr WhItLeY!

The wait is hard. Depending on how you look at it you could say we waited for 10 years, 3 years, or 3 months. We were matched on December 4th and that was also the official day our wait for Whitley began.

When we signed up with our consultants we had read about several families who were matched with a baby who was already born and they were traveling right away. I thought this would be the ideal situation and prayed it would happen to us. Who likes to wait anyhow?! Lord knows I am not very good at waiting and we had also been waiting a long time already. 

Advice from friends who have adopted (as well as having a failed match less than a year ago), was not to buy or do too much ahead of time because the biological parents always has the right to chose to parent after the baby is born. Remembering with M had told us we really did try to get excited but we still spent most of our time waiting window shopping for Whitley. We did buy a few items, including a Vera Bradley diaper bag that was on my must have list! We made Pinterest boards to "decorate" her new room when she came home. We made a list of girl names we loved. We started a registry. We went to Disney. We spent time with friends. We also gathered some of momma K's favorite treats to make her a bag for her hospital stay. 

We have learned several times over the past few years that God always has bigger and better plans for us. Our wait allowed the opportunity for us to get to know Whitley's first momma, to love her big and well and pray for her as our consultants encouraged us to do. We were able to talk about all kinds of things, things we will be able to share with Whitley when she is older. We answered questions. We talked about our pasts and our future plans and goals. We talked about how Whitley would be raised. We chose her name. We encouraged each other. We laughed. We talked about hair. We shared our favorites. We shared pictures.

We know we were lucky because our official wait for Whitely was not that long. If we had not had to wait those few months, we would have missed out on getting to know Whitley's first momma. We can't imagine our journey any other way, we love our story and we love Whitley's story even more. 

Aaron trying out the new diaper bag!

MaTcHeD!

    Those of you who have ever know anyone who has adopted or have adopted yourself world know that being matched is one of the most exciting parts of the journey, especially since it is typically the finale after the mounds of paperwork and red tape! It also means that there is an actual baby that will most likely be joining your family in the near future. Matches can happen fast (in our case less than a month) or they can take years. Matches also can depend on whether you use an agency or self match or even which preferences your family has.

    We had spent the summer updating adoption paperwork and also decided to consult (and later sign a contract) with a Christian adoption consultant that had been recommended to us (not once but twice on two different occasions by sweet friends)! This time was the right time. We worked hard to complete all of our paperwork, update our profile book, have a friend help us make a PDF file of our profile, and we completed a new home study. We were able to finish everything up and sent it all in right before Thanksgiving break.

   On Friday, December 2nd we got an email from our consultants asking us to read over a case they thought we should consider. They wanted us to let them know if we would like our profile presented to the expectant momma asap. We looked it over and without much hesitation Aaron and I quickly sent them back our "yes", little did we know that would be just the beginning of our journey to meeting Whitley and becoming her parents. When we said yes, we also knew a few pieces of important information, including the baby was a girl that was due on March 7th. We also knew her expectant momma was in Arizona.

     On Sunday, December 4th my cell phone rang about 8:30pm with a Georgia number. I usually don't answer random numbers, especially that late on a Sunday but I was glad I did because it was our consultant calling us. I remember hearing the excitement in C's voice as she told us that momma K had chosen us and we were officially matched!

Dreaming of Whitley!

    Over the next few days, we connected with the agency and K's case manager in Arizona. M knew of our failed match in the spring and was very encouraging and literally told us that we needed to get excited. She spelled it out for us, this was our last trimester and we were having a baby in March! Ahhhhhhh! We took her advice but remained cautious and ended up keeping the good news under wraps until after the holidays. M continued to explain the process and led us through the next steps.

    By the second week in December M had set up a conference call with our expectant momma K. We were super excited and equally as nervous but the call went well! Later that week we were able to exchange phone numbers and Aaron and I began to text with K and we would continue to text through the rest of her pregnancy with Whitley.

Our dream come true!