I have had to endure more than my fair share of tough conversations over the past five years...some good, some bad, and some just plain ugly. I am learning to let go of the ones that are over or at least look back and laugh at them. I am learning to to move forward with some, replacing my once rehearsed generic answers with something more heartfelt and honest.
Out of all the crazy and difficult conversations I had in regards to Aaron's condition, I had never realized that my toughest ones would be the ones that I actually had with Aaron. These didn't come early and they surely didn't come all at once. It was probably the past year or two when he started getting better and started sorting things out and becoming himself again that he started asking more questions and was able to look at the big picture in front of him.
One of the reasons I am able to stick right by him "in sickness and for worse" is that he is appreciative of all I do. Honestly, I can't think of a time where he wasn't (even before the accident). He thanks me for "putting up with him", doing the laundry, taking him out, bring him chicken nuggets, calling him, helping him in the bathroom….this list could go on.
Through many conversations, he blames himself (another typical Aaron-ism even before the accident). We have been over and over the what's and the why's of what we know about the accident and I can't convince him otherwise. It's hard to see him blame himself for something that was an unfortunate accident beyond our realm of understanding.
I think the first time I heard him thank me for putting up with him my heart almost broke. As any other couple I know, we didn't quite see eye to eye on this subject and it made me sad because I wanted him to see it my way this time. I didn't want him to feel that he was a burden, because that's the direction the conversation soon took but it was he who insisted he was. We have never really settled our disagreement and he still argues his side and I still defend mine.
Tough conversations are just another part of this crazy journey we are on. I must admit, if I have to have them with anyone, I couldn't think of anyone better to have them then with Aaron! I am also thankful to be done with the ones with the doctors!
Monday, November 18, 2013
Sunday, November 17, 2013
jUsT bEcAuSe
A little over a month ago, I got a flood of texts from family members asking what they could get Aaron for his birthday. As usual I didn't have a good answer and he certainly hadn't asked for anything and surely didn't need anything that I could think of.
While taking to his mom and racking my brain for just ONE idea, I finally suggested sending something fun to him on his special day that he could show off like balloons!
If I have the story right the local florist delivered Aaron's birthday balloons as scheduled. I can only assume they actually took them to Aaron's room and met him as they finished their delivery because later that evening they called Aaron's mom in Indiana to ask a few questions. It turns out that they wanted permission to send Aaron a little something each month to "brighten his day".
A month went by quickly, I actually had forgotten about their call after the last balloon had deflated and they were finally in the trash. Then one evening, when I arrived for a visit, the ladies at the front desk asked me about the flowers Aaron had received earlier that day. I was perplexed for a moment until I remembered my mother in law's recent conversation with the florist.
I reached for the card as soon as I entered the room and sure enough the florist was sending something to "brighten" Aaron's day as promised! If anyone needs a good recommendation for a florist in Winter Haven boy do I have one for you!
SoMe Of ThE nOt FuN sTuFf
After a few weeks in the ICU one of the nurses noticed this weird movement that would run down Aaron's shoulder, through his arm, and down to his hand. It was just on the one side. It wasn't long before they were able to give it the name of mycloclonic seizures. One of Aaron's neurologists worked hard to finally find two therapeutic doses of medication that would control the seizures, which we also found out were common with brain injuries.
Once we moved out of the ICU to Wauchula…somehow, somewhere one of Aaron's doctors felt we should be able to take Aaron off one of the two medications to control seizures. (This was a good thing as the one medicine they discontinued wasn't supposed to be used for long term.) Aaron had no problems after going to one medication and every time they examined him and did any testing there seemed to be no more signs of the seizures we had seen in the ICU. We were elated!
Fast forward to the facility in Winter Haven almost two years later…what do you know I go out of town for one of the first times since the accident for fun and Aaron has a full blown seizure. This was something we had not ever experienced and truthfully, I thought we were way beyond this point in his recovery so it was pretty stressful. (Especially since seizures can cause falls and with a brain injury, another fall could be devastating for Aaron.) I had left about 10 hours earlier when I got the call. There was a lot of drama surrounding the first seizure and trip to the hospital but thankfully my school secretary was available to go and sit with Aaron at the emergency room to all hours of the night. Did I mentioned that the hospital wouldn't tell me anything because of HIPPA and Aaron was not good on the phone at that point?!
From that day on, Aaron has continued to have what our current neurologist has diagnosed as "breakthrough" seizures. I had some of my own theories but since I haven't been able to prove them 100% I will keep quiet, anyone who has ever been a caretaker or parent can probably relate! It seems as if when Aaron gets a mild infection it can easily cause full blown seizures, the infections that would leave those of us who are healthy miserable and might cause us to miss a day of work. Again, it is something that comes along with a brain injury and is unfortunately unpredictable.
Aaron has had several seizures over the past three years and they never get easier. After each one I go back to worrying and as time goes on, I almost forget to worry about them just in time for another one to sneak up on us. He doesn't seem to remember them, which I guess is a good thing. He has fallen during one. I have witnessed one myself. He has also been sent to the hospital on more than one occasion due to a seizure.
Last fall, we were having way more "stay-cations" at the local hospital than either of us would prefer.Throughout this past few years we have learned that due to strong infections, the quick fix for Aaron is to have a strong dose of IV antibiotics which are usually started in the hospital. When they feel Aaron is improving then they are able to send him back to the rehab where they have the ability to monitor the infections closely and continue the antibiotics. Aaron was in the emergency room and then admitted twice in two month time period. There were other complications that made it a little more stressful and anyone who has sat in an emergency room knows how much fun that is.
Aaron's neurologist was able to recommend a newer medicine shortly after the last trip to the hospital to go along with what he was already taking. Fortunately it was the perfect match because as of 11/16/13, we have been seizure free for an entire year!!!!!!!!! This also means we don't have to go to the neurologist as often, we have been upgraded to every six months and the last check up we literally spent five minutes with our doctor (who is awesome by the way)! While I hope we stay seizure free, there is always the possibility that Aaron could have another but I will take ONE YEAR without a seizure as a HUGE accomplishment!
Here are a few pictures documenting our first hospital
stay-cation last fall. He was much sicker during the second trip so there were no pictures from then.
Once we moved out of the ICU to Wauchula…somehow, somewhere one of Aaron's doctors felt we should be able to take Aaron off one of the two medications to control seizures. (This was a good thing as the one medicine they discontinued wasn't supposed to be used for long term.) Aaron had no problems after going to one medication and every time they examined him and did any testing there seemed to be no more signs of the seizures we had seen in the ICU. We were elated!
Fast forward to the facility in Winter Haven almost two years later…what do you know I go out of town for one of the first times since the accident for fun and Aaron has a full blown seizure. This was something we had not ever experienced and truthfully, I thought we were way beyond this point in his recovery so it was pretty stressful. (Especially since seizures can cause falls and with a brain injury, another fall could be devastating for Aaron.) I had left about 10 hours earlier when I got the call. There was a lot of drama surrounding the first seizure and trip to the hospital but thankfully my school secretary was available to go and sit with Aaron at the emergency room to all hours of the night. Did I mentioned that the hospital wouldn't tell me anything because of HIPPA and Aaron was not good on the phone at that point?!
From that day on, Aaron has continued to have what our current neurologist has diagnosed as "breakthrough" seizures. I had some of my own theories but since I haven't been able to prove them 100% I will keep quiet, anyone who has ever been a caretaker or parent can probably relate! It seems as if when Aaron gets a mild infection it can easily cause full blown seizures, the infections that would leave those of us who are healthy miserable and might cause us to miss a day of work. Again, it is something that comes along with a brain injury and is unfortunately unpredictable.
Aaron has had several seizures over the past three years and they never get easier. After each one I go back to worrying and as time goes on, I almost forget to worry about them just in time for another one to sneak up on us. He doesn't seem to remember them, which I guess is a good thing. He has fallen during one. I have witnessed one myself. He has also been sent to the hospital on more than one occasion due to a seizure.
Last fall, we were having way more "stay-cations" at the local hospital than either of us would prefer.Throughout this past few years we have learned that due to strong infections, the quick fix for Aaron is to have a strong dose of IV antibiotics which are usually started in the hospital. When they feel Aaron is improving then they are able to send him back to the rehab where they have the ability to monitor the infections closely and continue the antibiotics. Aaron was in the emergency room and then admitted twice in two month time period. There were other complications that made it a little more stressful and anyone who has sat in an emergency room knows how much fun that is.
Aaron's neurologist was able to recommend a newer medicine shortly after the last trip to the hospital to go along with what he was already taking. Fortunately it was the perfect match because as of 11/16/13, we have been seizure free for an entire year!!!!!!!!! This also means we don't have to go to the neurologist as often, we have been upgraded to every six months and the last check up we literally spent five minutes with our doctor (who is awesome by the way)! While I hope we stay seizure free, there is always the possibility that Aaron could have another but I will take ONE YEAR without a seizure as a HUGE accomplishment!
Here are a few pictures documenting our first hospital
stay-cation last fall. He was much sicker during the second trip so there were no pictures from then.
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| Aaron kept asking for shorts, I'll be the first to tell you that he is NOT a good patient to have lol! |
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| Sweet friends from small group brought milk shakes and french fries to Aaron to make him feel better! |
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