oUr DaYs iN tHe ICU...the medical stuff

  Beware, this one is a LONG one! I will fill in the gaps with some other tough stuff and funny random moments from our ICU stay another time because there is a lot I can write about.   

 Side notes...

    I want to let you know that have posted some pictures below (with Aaron's permission) that might make some people a little uncomfortable. One of the nurses and our pastor both suggested that I take some pictures along the way. I was reluctant at first and I pretty much thought they were crazy at the time but I am glad now that we have them since they tell such an amazing story of what we went through. This is the first time I have ever really shared them, besides with close family and friends. 

Lakeland Regional Medical Center...

    Aaron spent a total of 58 days in the ICU, about 35 miles from our house. I have to be honest, I was a total mess when we left! I don't like change to begin with and I loved our staff who took such great care of us...praying with us, laughing with us, and even crying with us once in awhile. They were such a blessing when our entire world was turned upside down. I didn't know what I would ever do without them holding my hand each step of the way. 

Lakeland Regional Medical Center

Having faith...

    This is the part of the journey where my faith would be challenged and changed in a way I never could have imagined. I learned what is was truly like to trust in God's plan and not my own (those plans I had mentioned that Aaron and I made in one of my first blogs were null and void at this point)! I am definitely not saying that I could always 100% say "God, I am with you on this!" because I would be lying. It took a long time, a lot of obstacles, and a lot more patience for me to completely hand it all over. 

    One of my favorite scriptures is from Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." One night all I could do was read this over and over and hope that the more I read it the more I would just trust because there was literally nothing else that could be done, not by me or the doctors. This would also be the first of many verses that I would start to write on Aaron's dry erase board in his hospital room. It is also the one I carry in my purse to this day. 

    My philosophy...

    Our pastor had a conversation with me during one of the first days in the ICU (the first of many) and he had suggested to me to not ask questions that I didn't want the answer to. This advice was yet another blessing, it was a big reason why I was able to stay so optimistic and believe in basically a miracle! Soon enough, everyone knew that they were not allowed to ask questions unless...

1. I couldn't hear them ask. (And they didn't tell me the answer!) 
2. They asked my permission.

Looking back...BEST ADVICE EVER!!!!!!!!!

The first three weeks...

The first week.

    For some reason, during the first twenty four hours we had crazy this idea that Aaron would slowly wake up, be discharged a few days later only to end up home sitting on the couch all summer recuperating while we waited on him. Well that didn't happen and was far from the reality we were facing. 

    Even though Aaron opened his eyes and was able to respond to me by showing me thumbs up less than 24 hours after the accident, one of the nurses talked to us about "window" of time where a brain injury could take a turn for the worse. Soon after this conversation and less than 48 hours into our ICU stay that happened. From there we started our roller coaster ride and I began to hate Wednesday's. 

    On Wednesday, June 18th Aaron's inner cranial pressure (ICPs) started rising. Even though he had an external shunt placed into his brain to drain away fluids, the pressure inside his skull where the brain was swelling was still too much. The doctors decided put him on a machine called Arctic Sun, it cooled his body down to help his brain rest with several cooling pads that were laid across Aaron's body. This seemed to do the trick! 

The Arctic Sun Machine.

   Exactly a week later on Wednesday, June 25th when things seemed to be getting better again Aaron took another turn for the worse as his ICPs continued to go up again. This time they decided to put him into a medical induced coma to allow his brain to rest. Again, this seemed to be just the quick fix we needed. 

    During these first two weeks, there were times that we were not allowed to stimulate Aaron at all, which meant not touching or talking to him. We couldn't even turn on the lights in his room unless it was absolutely necessary.  Moving him, well that was pretty much impossible unless we wanted to risk the pressure increasing. 

   On Tuesday, July 1st, the neurosurgeon started discussing the option of surgery since Aaron's ICPs were still continuing to go up too high. We discussed the surgery in the morning and I signed the paperwork to have it the next morning, ironically another Wednesday. That same night, Aaron's ICPs were into the 60's or 70's (the staff started treating it as serious when the ICPs started to get into the low 20s). The neurologist that was on call came in to tell us that Aaron probably wouldn't make it through the night. My friends and I looked at each other to confirmed that he really had said that we needed to prepare for the worse. 

    Friends of ours went to pick up Aaron's brother, his wife, our nephew, and Aaron's mother from the airport. Aaron's dad, step-mom, and their kids (who had been in Florida off and on) had literally left two days earlier and had to turn around and come back down. I surrendered my cell phone and calls were made to let everyone know that it was pretty bad and the doctors were concerned that Aaron wouldn't even make it through the night. 

    It then became a waiting game. I did not leave his side and the ICU staff even allowed me to stay with Aaron during shift change. I remember sitting  next to his bed while his best friend sat on the floor for hours. That night, his friend traded places with the moms. I fell asleep against the bed rail eventually. 

   Early the next morning on Wednesday, July 2nd our own neurosurgeon was back. There was a small window of opportunity to do the surgery so we decided to take it given the alternative. Those few hours in the surgical waiting room seemed to go so slow. Only two family members could be there at a time so friends, family, and one of our pastors took turns trading in and out to sit with me. 

    The plan was to take Aaron right back to the ICU room after surgery and as soon as he was settled, I would be let back. The surgeon called us into the hall as they wheeled Aaron by. He explained to me and our friend that the surgery went well but he was concerned that Aaron's "pupils popped". (We had an amazing nurse with us through this stretch and she later explained that this meant that his pupils were larger than they were supposed to be and this was a sign that he could have serious brain damage that he would never recover from.) 

Aaron's after the surgery.

July 18th...

    The following weeks were relatively quiet, it was still a very painful waiting game. Not only was my faith tested but also my patience. By this time family came and went, Aaron's mom who had just retired was able to stay behind temporarily. 

    The head nurse came into Aaron's room one afternoon. Standing only inches away from Aaron, she explained that she knew we believed in God and she wanted to give us time to pray about things. She said that the doctors would go through the protocol and start taking Aaron off some of the medicines soon and would be looking for signs of his reflexes to start coming back and him to start waking up. She told me she wanted me to know what was expected so that if Aaron didn't respond, I had time to decide what I thought HIS wishes would be. 

   Even though I know what his wishes would be, I went out of Aaron's room immediately to call our pastor. Since things with Aaron had proved not to be consistent and he often surprised us, I often kept that kind of news within a small circle to see how it played out before we made it a public announcement. Our pastor and I discussed who I should tell, given the worse case scenario. He helped me decide that I would talk only to Aaron's parents, brother, and some of my family about the conversation I had just had. If things progressed great, if not it would be then when I had tell everyone else. 

   I often called to check on Aaron throughout the night during his stay in the ICU, I was lucky to get four hours of uninterrupted sleep that summer. When I called that same night the nurse told me that she thought that she had seen Aaron's eyes open slightly! I was so ecstatic that I called back less than an hour later to make sure it was still happening and since it was I called his brother at 3am in the morning because this just couldn't wait!

   6 weeks in...

    Aaron had finally began to make slow progress but he was still on a ventilator at this point, not ideal this many weeks into this but it was one of the things we had no choice over. There was a lot of concern that there could be complications, after all they only recommended them in for about 2 weeks. On July 24th, they were finally able to get a trachea in as well as a PEG feeding tube for nutrition. 

The trachea finally in! 

The little but BIG things...

July 25: Aaron started yawning.

July 26: Aaron responded to stimulus (he moved his hand when they used tweezers to squeeze his nail beds).

July 29th: Aaron followed a command to wiggle his toes. 

July 30th: Aaron breathed on his own during a trial!

   

August 1st...

  

 One of the nurses was always making us laugh and when they started giving Aaron simple commands they were not sure if he was actually following or it was just a movement he randomly did at that exact moment. This one nurse decided to have him do something out of the ordinary to see if he was really following commands. We returned from lunch that afternoon only to be greeted by the doctor and a couple of nurses in the hallway who were thrilled to tell me that Aaron actually smiled on command! (Probably one of my favorite stories from the ICU!) 

August 10th and 11th...

    I had just gone back to work, fortunately another blessing was that I had been summer vacation this entire time. 

   They did a 24 hour trial with Aaron off the ventilator. It was successful so they were able to move him to the trachea collar, which gave him oxygen and let Aaron do all of the work to breath on his own. It was so strange to go into Aaron's room and have the ventilator machine missing from the corner of the room. One of the nurses also had Aaron moved into a chair one afternoon, where he would sit up for the first time all summer! 

No more ventilator!

August 13th...

    Aaron was discharged from the ICU, AMEN right?! He was taken by ambulance (non emergency) to a specialized rehab about an hour south of the hospital. We said our goodbyes, well I did, and we started a new chapter... that is coming eventually!

dAnCiNg In ThE rAiN...fOuR yEaRs LaTeR (6/16/12)

    A friend shared this quote with me..."Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's learning about how to dance in the rain." I am thankful for His many blessings (big and small) that have gotten us through the past four years and that He has allowed us to dance...even if it's in the rain! 

    Today, we are celebrating by having a date night and going to Aaron's first Rays game since before his accident! Just weeks before the accident, we had started our annual tradition of going over to Tampa to Tropicana Field. This was one of our favorite things to do with friends. Here are some pictures of us from that game in 2008. 

Silly Aaron before the accident!

Aaron and Coach before the accident, the shirts were not planned...in fact we did
not even know he would be at the game!

      

    Ready for this years pictures?! We even made a pit stop at Hooter's before the game for some wings! Thank goodness for OnStar, handicapped parking, and the vendors who bring your beverages right to your seats at the game! 

    As you can probably tell, we had a great time! I forgot to mention that we couldn't find the car when we got back to the parking lot, we sang to 90's music (including Tag Team's "Whoomp There It Is"...Aaron knows ALL the words!!!) all the way home, and Aaron remembered a lot about the games we had gone to before his accident! 

I love the days like today that make this journey so easy...

aLmOsT fOuR yEaRs!

    For the record, I think I have decided to write the most current events from here on out and go back to catch up on the last four years in between. You follow?!?  


    I can not believe that we are about to hit the four year mark! This has been the year I have been dreading for some time because this year is my eighth year in Florida (which is also my eighth year with Aaron). I am struggling with knowing that from here on out, the years after the accident will out number those that came before where things were much less complicated. 


   Each year I have tried to do something special with Aaron to celebrate another year gone by, another year of getting better. It was harder at first because we were limited with the things we could do but here is how the first three years went!

    Year ONE (2009)... 

    We were not able to leave Aaron's rehab at this point. He was mostly in his wheelchair, except for at therapy where he had started using a rolling walker. The day of his accident, he was wearing a USF shirt that I had bought him. It was cut off at the scene of the accident and thrown away afterwards so I surprised him with a new one! (Which doesn't fit at this point and and had to be donated a long time ago!) 

    Year TWO (2010)...

    By now Aaron was using his rolling walker most of the time in therapy and out. I was working on my counseling internship and my schedule was pretty full so I splurged on a new cell phone for him since I didn't have time to take him out. He was also doing trials in therapy with soft foods and honey thick liquids. It wasn't going well but I brought key lime pie anyhow, knowing he could at least have a few tastes of the filling. 

    Year THREE (2011)...

    This time we decided to celebrate by going to the happiest place on earth and it wasn't rehab which Aaron now referred to as "Alcatraz". Aaron's parents and the kids were in Florida for vacation so they got to celebrate with us. Prior to going I had asked Aaron's neurologist about riding rides and his response was to let Aaron have some fun so Tea Cups (which Aaron spun) it was! We also went on a few other rides and Aaron even "drove" for the first time since his accident! Disney was very accommodating and we had a great time! 

Year FOUR (2012)...that will be the Ray's game Saturday! 

jUnE 16th 2008

Here begins the tough stuff...


    As I drove away from the lake (a friend and I had gone to walk after we finished teaching summer school) I dialed voicemail for a second time. I had just hung up from listening to a message I hadn't listened to from the night before. I thought it was strange that I didn't even have a missed call, on the other end I heard an unfamiliar voice tell me "Hi Renee, my name is Kathy. I am calling from Lakeland Regional, we have Aaron in our emergency department. When you get this message please call me." 


   Just then my call waiting interrupted my message and it was a number I did not recognize. The same woman was calling me back to tell me Aaron had been in an motorcycle accident. She told me that Aaron had been taken by helicopter and she needed me to come to Lakeland Regional Medical Center right away. 


    I hung up and spent the next few seconds trying to make sense of the message and phone call. I realized that I didn't even know where Lakeland Regional was. I had been following my friend home from the lake up until this point. I tried to call her but there was no answer. I kept trying, shortly before I was about to pass my subdivision I was able to reach her and told her what I knew. 


    We decided that we would drop off my car at my house. As I pulled in the driveway, I got another call from the hospital asking if I was on my way. This was the third call, I knew then that this couldn't be good. I grabbed my purse and car charger for my cell phone and we left immediately. 


    It takes about 40 minutes to get to Lakeland and from what I remember, we rode most of the ride in silence. Neither of us knew what to say, especially since my my friend know how my dad had been killed in a motorcycle accident when I was a newborn. 


    Somewhere during the ride I tried to call my aunt in Michigan but wasn't able to get in touch with her. I also called Aaron's brother in Ohio. (These would become my two major points of contact later on as it was impossible to talk with everyone.) I also called our pastor, who was in Lakeland. He was in a meeting but he said that he would meet us at the hospital as soon as he could. 


    When we pulled up, we realized my pastor had been able to beat us there. He had told security we were coming so we drove straight throughout the gate. Hospital staff took us back to an office, we sat there for what seemed like an hour. Again, no one was saying much. We still did not have any information and in the mean time someone brought me a bag of Aaron's clothes. A smaller bag had his wallet, wedding ring, and cell phone. Everything in the small bag looked like it was in one piece, nothing was broken or even scratched. I remember feeling relieved, thinking to myself that it couldn't be that bad if his belongings weren't harmed. 


   Finally, they took two of us back to see Aaron. My friend who had driven me to the hospital came back with me and our pastor waited. We were in the room for seconds before the asked me to come out and consult with the doctor. The only thing I really remember noticing was that Aaron's feet were sticking out of the sheet and he had one sock on. Outside the room they asked for permission to put in an external shunt and went over scans of Aaron's brain with me. I couldn't understand what the doctor was saying, I was hearing his words but at this point my brain just wouldn't comprehend. The only thing I saw in the pictures that I recognized was his neck and it looked fine to me.


   Somewhere in there, I was told that he would be transferred to the intensive care unit. I stayed behind in emergency area to fill out paperwork while my friend and our pastor were taken upstairs to the ICU waiting room. This was the first time I felt totally helpless, as close as Aaron and I were I couldn't even tell the hospital if Aaron has any allergies. 


    By the time I actually got upstairs to meet them, a member of the trauma team was coming out to see me before they left. They actually asked if I were his daughter at first (I had one of my elementary school t-shirts on, short gray shorts, and my short hair had become curly after we got rained on walking around the lake just a few hours earlier). One of the girls hugged me tight and told me she was so sorry. Again, we had little information on Aaron's condition and if we did I was still in total disbelief that I hadn't comprehended it. 


    We they took all three of us back to go see Aaron, it was not what I had expected. I got a much better look at him this time. He had been put on a ventilator. There were tape, tubes, and machines everywhere. He also had a neck brace on. Funny enough, other than that he actually looked pretty good. 


   The nurse came in the room to explain the ICU procedures. I had to have most of it reexplained to me after we left the ICU because I couldn't understand what they had said. I had trouble coming up with a password for them so that we could call in and get information if we left the hospital. (I picked "Ohio State" by the way!)


   Some other friends heard the news in the meantime and rushed to the hospital. One friend and his wife even came all the way over from Tampa. We sat around, waiting. At one point we went to the cafeteria, I remember not being hungry but everyone was trying to feed me. I think at this point we knew it was serious and Aaron had hit his head pretty badly (even though he was wearing a helmet). Yet, it was so surreal as we all sat together. 


    At 7pm each night the ICU closed to visitors during the shift changes and did not reopen until 9pm so we decided to go back home. My friend and I still had wet shoes and we needed a shower and a change of clothes. She reluctantly let me stay at my house alone, while she went back to her house to get ready. This friend was just the first of our many blessings. (She stayed by my side for the weeks to come and went out of her way to help, talk about a true friend!) 


   In less than an hour, we were on our way back to LRMC. We stopped to get McDonald's on the way, neither of us really liked it and I laughed to myself writing this because we could have gone a dozen different places that were on the way. We shared a chicken nugget value meal in the waiting room, it had gotten cold by the time we got a chance to sit and eat. I also searched for a outlet to plug in my phone, the only one I could find was behind a Coke machine. A few more friends came up to see us, there was not much to say. We were just waiting. 


    We went in and out of Aaron's room for a few hours before deciding to lay across some couches in the main entrance, I was going up to Aaron's room from time to time since you couldn't sleep in rooms. I don't know that we actually slept that night but I do remember how cold we were! At one point during the night I found a staff member who was able to find us some already warmed blankets (another little blessing). 


    Still uncertain about a lot of things, this day finally ended and a new one was beginning. The next few days kind of blurred together.
  

    

    

sEeMs PiCtUrE pErFeCt...right???

    I am still working on catching up as well as deciding what direction to take this since I am playing catch up from the past and have a ton to write about the present....I already wrote as short of a trip as I could down memory lane and it's a good story so far if I say so myself! 
   
    If you have been reading the first few entries, by now you know us well enough to know what comes next and like me are enjoying looking back at all of these sweet memories. Maybe you are an acquaintance or a just a stranger that just enjoys reading other people's blogs and you are just learning a lot about our life together but you probably won't be able to guess what happens next...


    Please keep in mind that as I continue to write our story and share our experiences that are loaded down with my feelings, thoughts, and frustrations (especially since it's out here for anyone to view) that this is not meant to hurt anyone, especially our families and friends who have stuck by us through trying times. I will probably remind you of this a million times as I write about the tough stuff and I also put this in my "all about me"!!!!! 


    My hope is that by doing this blog...something I write can inspire, help, or give someone else hope in a difficult situation when the easiest thing to do would be to give up and walk away. 


   Who knows, it might even be something good for Aaron to look back on and a little therapy for me in the end. And I can't forget my mom, she would just like to use it to get me on the Ellen Degeneres show lol :) 

tHe FiRsT yEaR...and a HaLF!!!

    As we rang in the new year and put one year or marriage behind us we celebrated a lot of birthdays and weddings. We even had our first family members come all the way to Florida to visit and stay at our new house! 
    We had just visited Michigan over Memorial Day for my cousins wedding and bought tickets to go to Ohio soon after school was out. We were getting ready for summer by going to a few Ray's games, karaoke, and to the Blue Man Group with friends.    
    In the meantime Aaron decided to buy a motorcycle since his car was no longer drivable (by my standards). I reluctantly agreed but not before we made some rules and stipulations so that each of us would remain happy! It had been something he had always wanted to do and he had thought long and hard, he even signed up for the class and took me along to pick out a good helmet. 
    Our next major thing to check off our "plan" was my masters but that would take about another year. We had also decided that sometime between there were the possibilities of starting a family. 
    As you know, things don't always go according to plan. But here is what we had already accomplished since year one...

My 28th birthday at the Melting Pot

Aaron's family comes to visit us!

My cousins wedding in Michigan

The Blue Man Group

My first ride on Aaron's new motorcycle 6-15-08

tHe FiRsT yEaR

     I would be lying if I said that everything was perfect the first year of marriage, we had our moments and getting used to this whole two become one thing was sometimes a challenge for us. I can remember one real fight, if you would call it that, over money go figure! Overall, we were pretty happy and things were going great!

    We were closer than ever, which I didn't think was possible and we started planning our future.  The "plan" was off to a good start and in our first year we checked some major things off, including buying our own home! Aaron was also able to check off his masters. Here is a glimpse of our first year...

  

Honeymoon in Cancun

Newly Weds

Our New House

Summer fun with friends

Nascar with friends

WMU Homecoming with friends

Our first Thanksgiving...in Florida

Our first Christmas...in Ohio

Our ONE year anniversary!




Time sure flies when you are having fun and trying to start your new life together!

Wedding Bells (Part 2)

    Here begins the second part of the wedding bliss...it was really a great day without any bridezilla moments or any other mishaps! Our day, well mine and the maid of honor, started out with apple juice and chocolate doughnuts on the way to the church. My mother in law brought Subway for lunch, I can only guess that they boys got McDonald's!

The ring bearer (our nephew Emmett) was sent on a very important mission. Too bad I didn't have a video to postof him throwing this bag at me seconds before this picturewas taken!

Being a good sport and wearing an OSU garter from my mother
in law!

I do!

Our Wedding Party

    These next few need the before and after to get the full effect...the first two include cutting the cake. I am sure all newlyweds discuss the how they will cut the cake as we did, however, last minute I couldn't resist and I knew he was way too nice to smash it in my face! 


    

    I started to feel a little bad after but that feeling left soon enough, apparently the groomsmen and Aaron had something up their sleeves literally!!!!!! The boys had been in Walmart the day before and one of them (no one ever admitted to it) had bought a XXL red pair of "granny panties". Aaron had it in his sleeve during the reception so that instead of pulling out the garter, he pulled them out instead. Check out the groomsman in the background of the last two pictures...it was obvious that he was involved in this plan!

    










    Last but not least...ringing in the new year with my new husband, our families (who I didn't know could and would dance by the way), and all of our friends! Love these people and these memories!!!

My family...

Mr. and Mrs. 

His family...

Having lots of fun!

The dance floor....

Teaching the family how to do a dance!