RiSk Or ReGrEt???

    Several years have gone into planning what our future family might look like and there were a few years in there that we were not ready for a family of our own for so many reasons and God's timing now makes sense. However, as many of you know, we opened our hearts to adoption (both public and private) over this past year and really trusted that God opened these doors for a reason and had a plan. We also started taking more risks by pursuing adoption.

   We were over the moon to actually get an approved home study in the fall, with Aaron's medical history hanging over our heads many were skeptical that we could even pass a home study. We also had an unexpected blessing just a few weeks following that which would open more doors than we ever knew were possible. There are also sweet friends who keep their eyes and ears open for kiddos who needed a good home and are still recommending us as a forever family whenever possible to their families, friends, and acquaintances.

    Those of you who have adopted or have considered adopting know that adoption is rather complicated and can take a long time. The matching process, well it's something that can be both exciting and terrifying all at once. It can also take two weeks, two months, two years or even more. Through the state adoptions, you are able to do some of your own searches of children who need a home and are eligible for adoption. (We have that site bookmarked and look through it frequently.) The public system we are involved with also hosts special events from time to time that we are invited to go and meet actual children that need a forever home. In private adoptions, you leave it to someone to share your story and in our case a book about our family and pray that a birth mom chooses you. There is also a time period even after you are matched and a potential child enters your home that you continue to work with agencies to make sure they are in a home that is best suited for them and are doing well.

     Our first inquiry was from the public agency in November. It was a sibling group. The agency got right back to us and let us know that they hoped to match this group with a family where one parent could stay at home with them full time, something we were not prepared to do. We were excited to inquire and at the same time slightly disappointed for the potential match to be done so soon, of course we also knew that realistically it was the first of what we knew would be many.

    In early December we received a call about a sibling group. It seemed to good to be true that we may get kids for Christmas but we soon started getting a lot of details about the process and what we were potentially committing to. There were several phone calls and texts back and fourth. We started to get excited about the possibilities of having a match. After some waiting to find out the next steps, we found out that there were some concerns with Aaron's medical history being matched with children younger than school age. The agency had to consider the possibility of our family not being the best match for this sibling group. Even though we understood, we had really gotten our hopes up and we were really disappointed when it was all said and done. Again we knew there would be more matches and this was just a part of the process to find the right family for the siblings. 

   Right after we returned to school in early January, we received a call from our adoption lawyer (who we have been connected with off and on for over the past two years) with the exciting news of a birth mom who picked us to be the parents of her soon to be born baby. She was having a boy and was due mid April. Less than two weeks later, we had the opportunity to met our potential birth mom. Even though she had already picked us, I was convinced that she may not like us after she met us and change her mind but as you can probably guess, our visit went great. It was so much easier than I ever thought it would be and we had a nice lunch. Aaron and I spent the rest of January and most of February keeping our news as quiet as we could and were "cautiously optimistic", which was advice given to us by friends who have adopted. Once we started signing paperwork and finances were involved (this is part of private adoption)  sometime in February we finally started sharing our exciting news. With more advice from friends, we bought only the bare necessities. If you know me well you know that this took a lot of self control and I had to revert to window shopping for the meantime. As much as we appreciated all of our families and friends excitement we also requested no showers be thrown before the baby was born, again more advice given to us. We were excited to have our second visit with our birth mom the middle of March. It was even better than our first visit, we had ice cream and our birth mom surprised us and gave us her recent sonogram pictures to keep! We made plans for the hospital when the baby was born. We left the visit reassured that this was really happening and we were going to be parents in a month or less. It was hard to contain our excitement. I started to make arrangements to be off work, we packed a diaper bag and even put the car seat in the car so we were ready when we got the call. We started getting serious about baby names and even found a pediatrician we liked. Before we knew it, it was already April and we were weeks or days away from that phone call to let us know that we needed to come to the hospital to meet our baby boy.

     We got what we thought was THAT call one rainy Saturday afternoon as we were running errands around town. As soon as we saw who was calling our hearts skipped a beat and we answered as quick as we could only to find out that the baby boy had been born and the birth mom had decided to keep him. While we knew that was a possibility all along and she had every right to choose to parent, we were crushed and also taken by surprise. I didn't really want to talk to anyone and tell everyone the disappointing news so we spent the next hour texting, private messaging, and emailing everyone who knew about the adoption and were eagerly awaiting the news of the baby's arrival with us.

    There is a lot of risk involved in public or private adoption (and fertility treatments too). We have known that all along and are prepared as much as we can be. As trying as these past few months have been and as difficult as the past few weeks were, at least we can say we have no regrets.

One of the reasons we continue to choose to take risks is so we have no regrets. 

    

cHaNgInG dIrEcTiOnS

         After some time passed and we had more discussions, Aaron and I decided to forget the specialists but instead to change our direction. At that time we considering that maybe God had other plans and we needed to be open minded. 

      We first decided to consider becoming foster parents. Aaron's dad and step mom had been foster parents and were able to adopt two siblings after they were in their care so we thought that would be an option with looking at. I called our local agency and asked several questions, I shared our story and specifically went into details about Aaron's health because I knew that could be an issue. Aaron was also not at home permanently at this time so I knew that too was another potential obstacle. They were encouraging and said that they did not think there would be any problems with us being able to foster. We filled out some preliminary paperwork. The next step was attending an informational meeting, it was there that we realized that fostering just wasn't for us. We wanted a forever family and they kept stressing the importance of a temporary family. We wanted a baby or toddler and they needed homes for teenagers. It was okay though, we gave that option a fair chance and we made the best decision for us at that time.

       Adoption was another one of our options. I was fortunate to find others in the area who actually had adopted and we were able to get information from them. I have a long time friend who has adopted so I talked with her a lot. We also called around to some of the well known agencies in our area and were connected to an adoption lawyer through a friend's church. We soon found out that there were some obstacles, other than the expense that we were quoted as a minimum of $20,000 by most sources. The other main obstacle we faced is that all of the agencies required two "healthy" parents, and we were not sure Aaron would be considered as that? Plus a birth family had to actually pick us, would Aaron's disabilities prevent them from wanting us to raise their child? 

   
     As a result of the all of the above, sometime in the spring of 2012 we went back to the fertility doctor, we hadn't been there for close to a year. The doctor was very welcoming and discussed the alternatives he and the urologist had come up with. He was confident that one of those options would help us achieve our goal of starting our very own family. He seemed so certain that we shouldn't give up and was very optimistic that we could be ready to start a family within a year. We walked out of that appointment so torn. I think I was hoping for bad news, news that would force me to accept once and for all that we would never have children of our own. 

      In order to pursue any of the options that the doctor recommended, I first had to go through two tests. The one was just a regular appointment but I had to miss work. The second one was more intense, I needed a driver and it required light anesthetic (which I had never had ever in my life). Fortunatley, I was able to schedule the second once once school was out for summer and I found a sweet friend to take me and bring me home and also who I felt comfortable sharing what was going on. 

     

  

   

wHy Do I sTaY???

    Over the past six years family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers have given me permission to leave my marriage (especially in the first year or two after the accident) and some of them at one time or another have questioned my reason to stay in my marriage. I am not upset with any of those above statements now because I have learned as I look back that they were only concerned for my future as much as they were concerned about Aaron's. At this point, I feel that they have ALL accepted my decision to stay right where I am and want to be, supporting and encouraging me and us as a couple...which is a good feeling. 

   This week was my first week back to school, all good things must come to an end and summer vacation is one of them unfortunately! Aaron and his caregiver resumed our "school schedule", which includes her being at our house at 7am five days a week! Aaron and Alexa (that's our person) find a lot of things to do while I am gone! One afternoon she was working on cleaning up the kitchen and since he was sitting out there with her, she suggested that he practice his writing and he decided to write me a note. 

   Here is the note, he had no help. I took a picture of it and because it's difficult to read since he writes so small, something that we are working on, I have also typed out what it says below the picture. 

Renee, 

I love you.

Thank you for putting up with me and all of my personal stuff. I will try to make it up to you any way I can. 

Love, Aaron

   He is the reason I have stayed. He is as sweet, caring, and considerate as he was when I first met him ten years ago in 2004. We may have some other things thrown in that we didn't plan on that make our life just little more difficult that it once was but that's okay. We are learning to adjust, change, and accept that things aren't the way we had planned them to be. 

    I also know how fortunate to have him be the person I was married to before his accident, it is not often like that for families who have someone with a brain injury as severe as the one Aaron had. I stay for so many reasons but most of all I stay because I love the man he was and is and this note is just a reminder of that! 

OuT wItH tHe Old...

        Now that I have a little free time, otherwise known as Spring Break, I planned to try to do some updating and possibly add some updates here! I am also working on my Spring Cleaning, which is how I got to this post! 

     Just another small blessing that reminds me of how far we have come and puts a smile on my face...

        When Aaron first started traveling after his accident he required a rather large reusable shopping bag filled with stuff. I imagine it is much like a diaper bag for a child except with adult sized items which requires a much larger (or more full) bag! This bag was one of about three that was stocked completely full of many things including a change of clothes, medical supplies, and even a few bottles of water! I carried it everywhere with us and when it wasn't with us, it stayed in the car in case we needed it! Just recently my bags wore out so I was in need of at least one replacement. 

Old...

      For Christmas, one of Aaron's aunts surprised us and got him a super cool new bag! It is much smaller and holds only the necessities that we absolutely need. As I emptied the old bag out, I realized most of the items were obsolete! I still carry a change of clothes...just in case but I can't tell you the last time we needed them. There are no medical supplies in this bag, did I mention there were no medical supplies in this bag?! It's looks pretty cool if Aaron wants to carry it around too, well if you are an OSU fan! 

New...

wHeRe Do YoU sEe YoUrSeLf In FiVe YeArs?!

FIVE years later!!!

    Recently I had a conversation with one of Aaron's college friends and we were talking about how long ago the accident was. He was telling us about recent job interviews he had and how they seemed to ask this popular question, "Where do you see yourself in FiVe years?" Think about it for a minute.....it's not an easy question is it?!

    I know that if you had asked us this question just a few days prior to June 16, 2008 you would have gotten a completely different answer. Even just days after June 16, 2008 I could have never imagined telling you that we'd be where we are today. FiVe years seems like such a long time ago, then again it has seemed to go by so quickly! 

    Lucky for us God had this because we sure couldn't have done this without Him and I don't think I always give Him the credit He deserves! At first we had doctors telling us that the first year was where we would see the most progress, then we heard the first two years, then somewhere along the way it became the first FiVe. I am pretty sure that since then we have heard the word indefinitely used to measure the timeline for progress that Aaron could make. Well folks, we've hit FiVE (and are still seeing improvements) and feel blessed with every single second, minute, day, and year! 

     I asked my favorite photographer, Beth Carter, if she would help me get some new pictures to share for this blog. Lakeland Regional Medical Center staff were the ones who saved Aaron's life and I couldn't think of a better place than where it all started. On a side note, we have been invited to LRMC Trauma Awareness Day each year, one of the gifts Aaron received was a t-shirt that I thought would be appropriate for this photo shoot! (Check out the close up in the pictures that follow!) 

In front of Lakeland Regional Medical Center.

I can not tell you how often I go through our pictures from 2008 to present day and see what an amazing story they tell. Each picture, along with each year, reminds me that we have both survived through this craziness annnnnnnd Aaron has gotten just a little closer to being that same old Aaron we all know and adore! 

Sporting his LRMC Trauma Survivor Shirt!

   
    In FiVe years we have come a LONG way and I think Aaron would agree on these FiVe things...


OnE: Our lives haven't been easy (or where we thought we'd be) the past five years but we have learned a lot along the way. 

TwO: We are thankful for all of the progress Aaron has made that no one could guarantee that we would see. 

ThReE: We share our life with so many wonderful people that have helped us in big and small ways and shared our lives in good times and bad! 

FoUr: Anything is possible! 

FiVe: God is good ALL the time!

The fountain in front of LRMC where we took family pictures while Aaron was in the hospital! 

   

    I recently found a quote from Sonia Ricotti and I thought it was the perfect way to share my answer for the question I asked in the beginning of this entry. In five years, I hope to be able to continue to "Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be." 

    I can't wait to share what the next five years has in store for us! Where do you see YOURSELF in five years? 

All pictures are courtesy of Beth Carter Photography  at http://www.bethcarterphotography.com

sHoP uNtIL wE dRoP

     Until the accident, we have always done everything together, even shop.  Anyone who knows me, even my first graders, know that I love to shop even if it's just looking. It is nice to drag Aaron along again, even though he has almost always gone willingly! 

    I am glad to be rid of the wheelchair (we do still use it for BIG trips), that proved to be a challenge in itself. His extra big wheelchair could usually fit through the main isle but between the clothing racks were a bit of a challenge. The crowds can be tricky, Aaron refuses to let me run into or over anyone! And the displays in the middle of the aisles, we still run into those no matter how we travel around the store. We trade the walker for a shopping cart at some stores unless I know we will be there for a long period of time where Aaron will need to sit and rest. We also test out Aaron's driving skills from time to time using the battery powered carts...remember those displays, we get one every time or at least a corner of a shelf!

Aaron "driving" for the first time 8/09!

    The dressing room always proves to be interesting and/or entertaining since I can't leave Aaron unsupervised (for his safety). I can either take him in with me or find a seat right outside the dressing room where I can talk through the door so that I can hear him the entire time! The picture below was taken in a dressing room where there was not seat for him to sit outside and wait, needless to say he had to go in the dressing room with me. I told him to close his eyes and this is what I turned around to...need I say more?!

Peek a boo!

   Now that I know the specifics about all of the public restrooms at most of my favorite stores that part is not so bad. In the beginning I used to only take Aaron to places where I knew there was either a single restroom or a special "family" restroom because the thought that Aaron might need to use the bathroom just stressed me out. I am not ashamed to take him in the women's but we do try to respect that other women may want their privacy so we do avoid that if at all possible! We did the men's once, that was enough. Oh yeah and I forgot to add that if I have to go, he has to go with me...now if that is not "for better or worse" then I don't know what is!