RiSk Or ReGrEt???

    Several years have gone into planning what our future family might look like and there were a few years in there that we were not ready for a family of our own for so many reasons and God's timing now makes sense. However, as many of you know, we opened our hearts to adoption (both public and private) over this past year and really trusted that God opened these doors for a reason and had a plan. We also started taking more risks by pursuing adoption.

   We were over the moon to actually get an approved home study in the fall, with Aaron's medical history hanging over our heads many were skeptical that we could even pass a home study. We also had an unexpected blessing just a few weeks following that which would open more doors than we ever knew were possible. There are also sweet friends who keep their eyes and ears open for kiddos who needed a good home and are still recommending us as a forever family whenever possible to their families, friends, and acquaintances.

    Those of you who have adopted or have considered adopting know that adoption is rather complicated and can take a long time. The matching process, well it's something that can be both exciting and terrifying all at once. It can also take two weeks, two months, two years or even more. Through the state adoptions, you are able to do some of your own searches of children who need a home and are eligible for adoption. (We have that site bookmarked and look through it frequently.) The public system we are involved with also hosts special events from time to time that we are invited to go and meet actual children that need a forever home. In private adoptions, you leave it to someone to share your story and in our case a book about our family and pray that a birth mom chooses you. There is also a time period even after you are matched and a potential child enters your home that you continue to work with agencies to make sure they are in a home that is best suited for them and are doing well.

     Our first inquiry was from the public agency in November. It was a sibling group. The agency got right back to us and let us know that they hoped to match this group with a family where one parent could stay at home with them full time, something we were not prepared to do. We were excited to inquire and at the same time slightly disappointed for the potential match to be done so soon, of course we also knew that realistically it was the first of what we knew would be many.

    In early December we received a call about a sibling group. It seemed to good to be true that we may get kids for Christmas but we soon started getting a lot of details about the process and what we were potentially committing to. There were several phone calls and texts back and fourth. We started to get excited about the possibilities of having a match. After some waiting to find out the next steps, we found out that there were some concerns with Aaron's medical history being matched with children younger than school age. The agency had to consider the possibility of our family not being the best match for this sibling group. Even though we understood, we had really gotten our hopes up and we were really disappointed when it was all said and done. Again we knew there would be more matches and this was just a part of the process to find the right family for the siblings. 

   Right after we returned to school in early January, we received a call from our adoption lawyer (who we have been connected with off and on for over the past two years) with the exciting news of a birth mom who picked us to be the parents of her soon to be born baby. She was having a boy and was due mid April. Less than two weeks later, we had the opportunity to met our potential birth mom. Even though she had already picked us, I was convinced that she may not like us after she met us and change her mind but as you can probably guess, our visit went great. It was so much easier than I ever thought it would be and we had a nice lunch. Aaron and I spent the rest of January and most of February keeping our news as quiet as we could and were "cautiously optimistic", which was advice given to us by friends who have adopted. Once we started signing paperwork and finances were involved (this is part of private adoption)  sometime in February we finally started sharing our exciting news. With more advice from friends, we bought only the bare necessities. If you know me well you know that this took a lot of self control and I had to revert to window shopping for the meantime. As much as we appreciated all of our families and friends excitement we also requested no showers be thrown before the baby was born, again more advice given to us. We were excited to have our second visit with our birth mom the middle of March. It was even better than our first visit, we had ice cream and our birth mom surprised us and gave us her recent sonogram pictures to keep! We made plans for the hospital when the baby was born. We left the visit reassured that this was really happening and we were going to be parents in a month or less. It was hard to contain our excitement. I started to make arrangements to be off work, we packed a diaper bag and even put the car seat in the car so we were ready when we got the call. We started getting serious about baby names and even found a pediatrician we liked. Before we knew it, it was already April and we were weeks or days away from that phone call to let us know that we needed to come to the hospital to meet our baby boy.

     We got what we thought was THAT call one rainy Saturday afternoon as we were running errands around town. As soon as we saw who was calling our hearts skipped a beat and we answered as quick as we could only to find out that the baby boy had been born and the birth mom had decided to keep him. While we knew that was a possibility all along and she had every right to choose to parent, we were crushed and also taken by surprise. I didn't really want to talk to anyone and tell everyone the disappointing news so we spent the next hour texting, private messaging, and emailing everyone who knew about the adoption and were eagerly awaiting the news of the baby's arrival with us.

    There is a lot of risk involved in public or private adoption (and fertility treatments too). We have known that all along and are prepared as much as we can be. As trying as these past few months have been and as difficult as the past few weeks were, at least we can say we have no regrets.

One of the reasons we continue to choose to take risks is so we have no regrets. 

    

tHe RiGhT rOad?

         As a side note, what I am about to share here through this particular post will pretty much sums up where we are at in the present. I know a few people who have been asking what the current situation was and wanting to know if I have any exciting news or surprises...oh and be prepared for even more up close and personal.

    After we went through some preliminary testing and more procedures during the summer of 2013, Aaron and I decided that we were finally ready to "try" to get pregnant during the fall of 2013. This would only be possible with the help of the fertility specialists who were convinced they could help us make having a family of our own a reality. We had looked at all of the other options and discussed the pros and cons in depth, this option seemed the most reasonable. It allowed us to be making the decisions and not having to rely on others to decide whether or not we could be parents. Believe it or not, it was one of the more affordable options too even though insurance doesn't cover much at all. 

      Everything appeared to be in order. The doctor we see recommended insemination, the easy and the least expensive approach offered when dealing with our obstacles, given that I was healthy and young enough. Our chances of success were pretty similar to those who are trying to get pregnant under normal circumstances each month. I was apprehensive, Aaron was supportive, and the doctor remained optimistic. 

   You would think me, the planner, would be ready for this. Every step of this is planned down to the day and sometimes to the hour. Of course it is planned around my body's schedule and my body does not run like clockwork, making it more of a challenge. Many appointments are scheduled as a result of timing of my body, sometimes giving me as little as 24 hour notice until an appointment. I should mention, the specialist we see is also on the other side of Orlando so the unpredictable traffic can sometimes add stress to the whole thing. And of course, if you know me, I  do anything and everything to be at work and make appointments in the late afternoon and/or vacations as possible which has been difficult and not even an option most times. 

     The first time we did an insemination probably was the worst. Since I have never been pregnant, I have no idea what to expect if it were to work. Turns out the "two week wait" as they called it makes you absolutely crazy, well it makes me crazy anyhow! Google didn't help either. I did know, however, the day it would show up on a test. I was advised not to test until that 14th day. And let's be honest, I felt it was highly unlikely that we'd be successful that first time. That would have been much to easy. Only Aaron, my mom, and my "Florida mom" as I often refer to her as knew that we had done the first round. I didn't need to go out and buy a test since I didn't even make it to the 14th day that month.

    For the second time around, I was even more apprehensive but we decided to go through a second cycle anyhow. Only Aaron knew this time. The doctor had recommend at least 3-4 cycles to start out. This time I couldn't take it, I just knew it wasn't going to happen so I tested a few days before that 14th day. The test was negative, just like I expected. 

     Again, the doctor remained optimistic. He encouraged us to finish out at least one to two more cycles. In the meantime, we added a medication that made sure I ovulated regularly (even though we were pretty certain I was). This also added an extra appointment each month to make sure I had not developed any cysts, a side effect of the medication. The medication somewhat enhanced normal PMS symptoms for me, which also can be easily confused with pregnancy symptoms. And IT was confusing and annoying. I did not want to get my hopes up. We did cycle three and four with this medication, both were unsuccessful. 

    I was ready to quit. This obviously wasn't working. The doctor remained optimistic and kept encouraging us that there was still a good chance that we could have a family of our own. He said we needed to give it a year. We eventually added an injection that I gave to myself each month that would ensure our timing was absolutely perfect. With this came more appointments and ultrasounds to check everything regularly. More "symptoms" occurred which I was used to from the other medication but I kept getting my hopes up because maybe this was it? My body seemed to be cooperating from what the doctor could tell me, my "numbers" even indicated high enough levels to be pregnant at times. Again, it all of the attempts were unsuccessful and came with more disappointment. 

    As of December 2014, we have done six inseminations and all have been unsuccessful. I keep thinking about quitting. Aaron is supportive either way. The doctor is still encouraging and hasn't ruled out any possibilities or recommended another type of treatment at this point.

 

It'S lIkE rIdInG a BiKe...

   You know the old saying, once you learn to ride a bike you always know how. Well when it comes to a post traumatic brain injury that is not always the case, whether it's riding a bike or anything else you have known and have been able to do practically your entire life. 

    This July we were able to barrow an adult sized tricycle and a helmet thanks to some pretty awesome people. As usual, this was just another crazy idea I had that I thought we could try. With a little assistance, Aaron was able to get onto the bike. Within in minutes he was riding down the road all by himself and I was chasing after him! Steering and braking were a bit of a challenge but practice makes perfect right? We live in a small gated community with a long stretch of street that made this challenge a little easier. I even strapped Jasper in for a ride, against his will of course! 

     Aaron has definitely become an exception to many of the norms associated with what happens after a severe traumatic brain injury. So many things we were told he would never be able to do have been proved wrong time and time again. It has taken over seven years to ride a bike, among many other things, but I am delighted in every bit of progress big and small! There are so many things I never knew I could be excited about and thankful for. 

     A few weeks ago we went out to dinner, I turned around to see where he was as we walked into a restaurant. I thought he was right behind me but to my surprise he had stopped to hold the door for an elderly couple that was walking in behind us. You can imagine my surprise as Aaron always used to hold doors for people! Up until his accident he actually still opened the car door for me wherever we went! 

    "Have patience God isn't finished yet." Philippians 16

ThErE iS nO pLaCe LikE hOmE...

It's been a few months...and a few years in the making but we are excited to announce that we have reached another milestone. 

Aaron is MOVING home...effective immediately!

If you know me well or have asked me about this particular topic then you know this was always a part of MY plan! 

     I'm thrilled to share our BIG secret! I have been avoiding phone calls with Aaron's family for months in order to surprise them with this exciting news! We even visited with his brother and sister in law a few weeks ago and it was all I could do to keep it quiet! And even Aaron didn't know the news until this morning, I figured it would be better that way (if you are Facebook friends with him and have seen his posts then you know exactly what I am talking about)!

     Even though it has come up in conversations many times, in January I received THE call to make it official. I actually got a message first telling me not to worry but we needed to talk about Aaron! There had been a recent care plan meeting and there was good news and bad news. The good news was that he was doing well and he actually surpassed the level of care that the rehab offers! Them the bad news, which wasn't that bad, we needed to find a better fit for him.  So we started talking about all of our options. Without thought, I said no to a group home setting, assisted living was another idea (and still can be if we need it in the future), and last but definitely not least was the option of coming home with help. 

     It has taken a lot of coordination, I am so thankful and beyond blessed with an amazing team of people to help us throughout this process! Just for starters we needed to have a doctor and nurse available as needed, get prescriptions in order, find someone to stay with Aaron and help Aaron at home if I am not there, and find backups to stay with Aaron just in case! (There's actually more than that but I won't bore you with any more details, you get the idea!)


     One of the obstacles we still have is that Aaron still needs 24 hour supervision.  Part of this is due to safety and the rest is because he still needs help with a lot of things like showering and getting dressed. Our most important job was finding the right person to care for Aaron and help him when I am at work or when I am gone. (Cool job right?!) We will also need to have a few back up plans of course.

    We have decide to hire a home health care aide through a local agency. We hope to have one main person that will be with us full time and be with Aaron as much as possible when I can't.  One of our back up plans is an adult day care that the county we live in has. It sounds really funny but it's actually a pretty cool program that we tried out a few summers ago! 

     There will definitely be an adjustment process for everyone and we are all still figuring it out! We are hanging out with our new home health care aide for the new two days, she's great by the way. The dog loves her too which is a plus, our silly dog seems to like four legged friends much better! 

     We will spend the next few days working on the transition from the rehab to home. Aaron will need to do another trial at the daycare (it's their protocol) since it's the back up plan during the beginning of next week. Then we will go from there! 


     

    Thanks to all who have been and continue to be a part of this journey and have prayed and continue to pray for Aaron! Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. 1: Cor. 13-7


     I also couldn't forget to give a very special thanks to our amazing friend, Beth Carter, who I can always count on to help take pictures to celebrate these special memories! You can check her out at http://www.bethcarterphotography.com 

fIrSts

    Aaron has gone through a lot of "firsts" and here is his timeline that I have kept. In the beginning, it was the simple things like moving his legs and walking but now it's the exciting things like going to baseball games and water parks. I went through the ICU events in the last blog about so these events start in September 2008, after he moved on to the rehab facility.

2008

September 1: First pushed call light on his own to get his nurses.

September 6: First mouthed anything...."Hi mom"!

September 12: First time continuous tube feed was turned off.

September 19: First (high back) wheelchair came in!

October 9: First time I squeezed into bed with him!

October 21: First time left fingers FINALLY started moving!

October 27: First time really bending right and left legs on his own. 

November 12: First time standing up!

November 19: First initiated steps!

December 9: First time whispering..."hi"!

December 13: First typing... "i love you beautiful" after I asked how he was feeling,  then typed "I am okay, I love holding you".

December 20: First time rolling over in bed and got the side rail down without help.

December 30: First time writing me a letter in speech therapy with help!

2009

January 19: First started using rolling walker in therapy!

February 16: First time riding in the car for the, first time speech therapist confirmed he was whispering!

March 24: First time "minimal voicing" was heard in therapy. 

March 30: First (of many) swallow studies.

March 31: First introduced to apple sauce and honey thick liquids in therapy. 

May 6: I first started talking "at" Aaron on the phone!

May 14: First ENT appointment, good news on Aaron's vocal cords!

June 1: First time Aaron picked up his own phone when I called!

June 13: First trip out of rehab to a nearby park! 

June 16: First year accident anniversary.

June 19: First trip to the movies with friends!

July 31: First started using rolling walker outside of therapy. 

August 29: First big social event with friends!

September 12: First time coming home since accident!

November 21: First time going to church!

December 24: First time spending the night at home!

May 31: First trip to the beach!

July 3: First time out of rehab two nights in a row, first time on a (mini) vacation to see his parents in Sannibel!

August 11: First thin liquid trial, he got to have Diet Coke for the first time since before the accident!


September 25: First concert!

2011

January 22: First time Aaron was caught getting in and out of bed on own, rails up or down!

March 7: First started trials of mechanical soft foods.

June 16: First time time eating regular food! First trip to Disney!

June 22: Went to Trauma Awareness Day at LRMC and met some of the staff for the first time!

October 23: Aaron's first time flying and first trip to Ohio since the accident!

December 31: First time swimming in the pool!

February 4: First time "driving"!

June 16: First time eating at Hooters since the accident and first Rays Game!!!

July 4: First time at a water park!