OuT wItH tHe Old...

        Now that I have a little free time, otherwise known as Spring Break, I planned to try to do some updating and possibly add some updates here! I am also working on my Spring Cleaning, which is how I got to this post! 

     Just another small blessing that reminds me of how far we have come and puts a smile on my face...

        When Aaron first started traveling after his accident he required a rather large reusable shopping bag filled with stuff. I imagine it is much like a diaper bag for a child except with adult sized items which requires a much larger (or more full) bag! This bag was one of about three that was stocked completely full of many things including a change of clothes, medical supplies, and even a few bottles of water! I carried it everywhere with us and when it wasn't with us, it stayed in the car in case we needed it! Just recently my bags wore out so I was in need of at least one replacement. 

Old...

      For Christmas, one of Aaron's aunts surprised us and got him a super cool new bag! It is much smaller and holds only the necessities that we absolutely need. As I emptied the old bag out, I realized most of the items were obsolete! I still carry a change of clothes...just in case but I can't tell you the last time we needed them. There are no medical supplies in this bag, did I mention there were no medical supplies in this bag?! It's looks pretty cool if Aaron wants to carry it around too, well if you are an OSU fan! 

New...

cRuSiN'

      A lot of you know that for Spring Break 2006, Aaron and I went on a cruise with a bunch of friends from work. We had a blast and that also happened to be the place where Aaron proposed! I posted a few pictures of that cruise below!

Bon Voyage 2006!

Just after we got engaged in 2006! 

      Fast forward to 2013…a few days before Thanksgiving I got this crazy idea to go on a cruise over Christmas break after I saw advertisements for inexpensive cruise deals. That was all it took, along with Aaron's doctors approval that is! So we booked a 3 day Royal Carribean cruise to the Bahamas! It was kind of a late Christmas gift but early anniversary gift to each other. Other than a birthday trip to Ohio almost three years ago, and a last minute spring break trip to Virginia last year to visit with family, we really haven't gone on a vacation so that made this trip pretty exciting!

Away we sail 2013! 

      We spent our three days eating of course! I think the rest of the time was spent at the pool (my favorite) watching the bowl games on the big screen (Aaron' favorite)! Oh and don't forget an unlimited supply of soft serve ice cream that was only a few feet away at all times! Aaron also enjoyed the Coke machine and all of the different combinations of drinks he could refill at any time! 

The perfect way to watch the game! 

Just a few of our favorite snacks!

Pool time! 

      Another favorite was formal night, there was quite the dilemma getting the dress I ordered thanks to all the Christmas orders online and I ended up having to get something else last minute unfortunately. Aaron lucked out on a clearance deal along with some of his mom's Kohls cash and we found him the perfect suit! Silly me thought maybe we could at least salvage the jacket of his old suit…that was definitely NOT happening lol! So here we are all dressed up with someplace to go! 

All dressed up!

The new suit! 

     We decide to stay on the ship this trip but there was plenty to keep us busy! We went to the movies, a magic show, and a broadway show. We even did a little shopping at some of the stores around the ship. Aaron loves to walk so we spent a lot of time exploring the ship! We even found time to sit around, hang out, and enjoy the view! 

Walking around the ship! 

Hanging out on the main deck! 

     At the end of our weekend I was thankful for a fun vacation away with my hubby! It was uneventful (which always makes me happy) and full or rest and relaxation…perfect! It went so well and we enjoyed ourselves so much that we are talking about doing it again next year! 

Happy Vacationers! 

mAkInG a MoUnTaIn OuT oF a MoLe HiLl...

      I found this on Pinterest this weekend, where else?! Well this was me ALL last week, my mom says I come by it honestly lol!  I was miserable in every aspect last week and all I did was worry. The picture above tells the rest of the story as well as the title of this blog!

     I may have mentioned that I have "those" weeks once in awhile. I try to be strong and keep the big girl pants on but it just didn't happen this week. I know how blessed I am but I was feeling blah. I tried so hard to fake it, a skill that I have come to per-fect most of these kind of weeks, but it was an epic failure. A sweet co-worker, aunt, and two of my "moms" got me at my very best! Even though I felt like a fool while trying to explain my crazy feelings, I was thankful they were there to listen to me cry…literally! And the best part, they didn't judge, they just listened and loved me in that moment.

    In the middle of this I was lucky enough to enjoy a three day weekend to catch up on some me time and chill out. Aaron and I also got to visit with some family from out of town and I got to catch up with a friend at dinner another evening. Again, thanks to Pinterest, I found a great quote.

        I don't want to leave you hanging, however, this was how I felt the end of the weekend. Things are feeling back to our normal and I am feeling more like myself. I realized that even though I only feel like I am tiptoeing at this point,  I am at least going in the right direction! It's funny how everything just seems to make sense all of a sudden, I just wish I could remember this each time I start to make a mountain out of a mole hill!

tHaNkFuL

      Each November I see the random posts of things to be thankful start on Facebook, except I usually see it too many days into it to remember to actually do it myself! This year I saw a friend's post the very first day of November so I decided to give it a try this year too. While most of the things I posted were silly little things, I happened to run across this quote and it seemed to go with the thankfulness theme and be a bit of inspiration for a new addition to my blog. 

"The thankful heart opens our eyes to a multitude of blessings that continually surround us." -James E. Faust

     Even thought Aaron is 100% a part of all this, I am writing strictly about how/what I feel and know. As he gets better and you have conversations with both of us you will see how our experiences, feelings, and memories are completely different throughout the past five and a half years. Just like he has, I have had my own battles. Even though Aaron was living and breathing and even listening he hasn't always had the capacity to help me deal with some of the tough stuff and there have been times he has I have opted to keep him out of it just for the sake of giving him a few less worries. Let me elaborate by saying that if you know Aaron well, sitting around worrying about others is something he does well and since he was doing a lot of sitting at one point I did not want to burden him with anything else with so much on his plate, leaving his main focus on getting better. 

    That last two years were a few of my toughest, I have tried to write about it many times but I just could never get it "right" so this is yet another attempt that I may end up deleting before I finish...

    One of the main struggles I have had is that I once felt the need to be "normal" (maybe "average" is a better word to use) as long as I can remember. It's not that I didn't appreciate what I had/have, because I did/do, I just wanted so much to be like everyone else…boring I know! As I get older and more experienced in life, that does seem pretty silly but that is how I felt for a long time. Just when I started feeling that I was accomplishing those "normal" things, which included; graduating from college, moving to Florida/entering into the teaching profession (that was a fiasco as well), getting engaged/married, and purchasing our first house…it all went from wonderfully normal to completely confusing and crazy within two to three days after Aaron's accident. Things haven't been the same since then but I finally starting to be able to accept how things are and the blessings that come with this "normal"! 

     Even though I know that good relationships take a lot of give and take, a lot of patience, a lot of forgiving, and a lot of accepting yet I have struggled with many relationships since the accident. I know that good, healthy relationships take work during normal circumstances but throw in a catastrophic accident and all hell seemed to break loose! I have continued to struggle with this and honestly still do.  I usually blame myself, maybe because it's easier. I have had struggles with both family and friends some known and some unsaid. I have purposefully shut people out to avoid hurt (sometimes on my end, sometimes on theirs), I have given up on some relationships because they were too hard or I felt they just weren't going to work no matter how hard I tried. I have also avoided relationships simply because I didn't know how to make them work. I used to dread meeting new people because they might not understand or might judge our situation or just feel sorry for us. I hated seeing old friends at times because things were not they way they used to be. I have been challenging myself to do better in both these areas. It's still a work in progress and I am not perfect and as you can see it's all just plain confusing.  

    No matter how I look at things or how I feel, I know we are continually surrounded by blessings big and small and my heart is thankful no matter how different things are than how I thought they were supposed to be. At the end of the yucky days and tough years…I  am ThAnKfUl because I know God's plan is better than any plan I had for myself and Aaron. 



   
   

tOuGh CoNvErSaTiOnS

       I have had to endure more than my fair share of tough conversations over the past five years...some good, some bad, and some just plain ugly. I am learning to let go of the ones that are over or at least look back and laugh at them. I am learning to to move forward with some, replacing my once rehearsed generic answers with something more heartfelt and honest. 

    Out of all the crazy and difficult conversations I had in regards to Aaron's condition, I  had never realized that my toughest ones would be the ones that I actually had with Aaron. These didn't come early and they surely didn't come all at once. It was probably the past year or two when he started getting better and started sorting things out and becoming himself again that he started asking more questions and was able to look at the big picture in front of him. 

    One of the reasons I am able to stick right by him "in sickness and for worse" is that he is appreciative of all I do. Honestly, I can't think of a time where he wasn't (even before the accident). He thanks me for "putting up with him", doing the laundry, taking him out, bring him chicken nuggets, calling him, helping him in the bathroom….this list could go on. 

      Through many conversations, he blames himself (another typical Aaron-ism even before the accident). We have been over and over the what's and the why's of what we know about the accident and I can't convince him otherwise. It's hard to see him blame himself for something that was an unfortunate accident beyond our realm of understanding. 

      I think the first time I heard him thank me for putting up with him my heart almost broke. As any other couple I know, we didn't  quite see eye to eye on this subject and it made me sad because I wanted him to see it my way this time. I didn't want him to feel that he was a burden, because that's the direction the conversation soon took but it was he who insisted he was. We have never really settled our disagreement and he still argues his side and I still defend mine. 

     Tough conversations are just another part of this crazy journey we are on. I must admit, if I have to have them with anyone, I couldn't think of anyone better to have them then with Aaron! I am also thankful to be done with the ones with the doctors! 

    

jUsT bEcAuSe

      A little over a month ago, I got a flood of texts from family members asking what they could get Aaron for his birthday. As usual I didn't have a good answer and he certainly hadn't asked for anything and surely didn't need anything that I could think of.

      While taking to his mom and racking my brain for just ONE idea, I finally suggested sending something fun to him on his special day that he could show off like balloons!

       If I have the story right the local florist delivered Aaron's birthday balloons as scheduled. I can only assume they actually took them to Aaron's room and met him as they finished their delivery because later that evening they called Aaron's mom in Indiana to ask a few questions. It turns out that they wanted permission to send Aaron a little something each month to "brighten his day".

     A month went by quickly, I actually had forgotten about their call after the last balloon had deflated and they were finally in the trash. Then one evening, when I arrived for a visit, the ladies at the front desk asked me about the flowers Aaron had received earlier that day. I was perplexed for a moment until I remembered my mother in law's recent conversation with the florist.

     I reached for the card as soon as I entered the room and sure enough the florist was sending something to "brighten" Aaron's day as promised! If anyone needs a good recommendation for a florist in Winter Haven boy do I have one for you!